utah singles dating - Computer dating cartoon

• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. • I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked.Pet Parrot A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. I only came down to feed the alligator." Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill." After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes ... " The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? " The man replied, "That would be my wife." Grandma's Visit "Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

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The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness." The man says, "Well, thank you. Carl was falling asleep but Milly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Hard of Hearing An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day.

I forgive you." The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do? She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily Karl reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. " He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying? First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

" He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours" I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying? They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up.• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me."His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit." Albert's wife smiled at the undertaker. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath? I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses.

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